Pump It Up
by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap
Summary: Percy supposed he should have asked Oliver to help him first and then explain his current ab-session, instead of asking him to remove his shirt and let Percy take a 'gander' at his chest. (Percy/Oliver, a bromance)


**Disclaimer:** **Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

 **Pump It Up**

Percy Weasley didn't like the sound that was coming from the group of sixth year Ravenclaw girls. They were giggling, something out of character for the 'Claw girls who were normally studiously studying and quizzing each other left and right.

Of course the weather was nicer. Ties were being loosened (much to Percy's displeasure, it got rather annoying having to constantly reprimand everyone to please remember the dress code), jumpers were being shoved into satchels and certain male seventh years were wearing tighter shirts to reveal the muscles they had miraculously acquired over the winter.

"…Isn't he _dreamy_?" A voice asked with a sigh. "And look at all those muscles."

"There are more muscles than I could have ever imagined. I wonder what it's like to have his arms wrapped around you."

Percy stopped, trying to slow down the rapid beating in his heart. He peered over the corner from where he was hiding and was shocked to realize the voice was coming from Penelope Clearwater. She was the girl he had started to realize was rather nice and not in a 'Let's be friends,' nice but more in a, 'I want you to meet my mum and snog you behind a tree,' type of nice.

Girls were a foreign concept to Percy. He always had his nose in a book or was busy with Prefect meetings or trying to stop his brothers from blowing up the school. Something had changed inside of him over the summer when he was locked in his room trying to study.

Leggy blondes kept walking around in his head, bending over and pursing their lips at him… _well_ , Percy smacked himself with his hand. He _really_ had to stop himself before his thoughts went too far. Just the other day he had found himself drooling in the library when he saw Penelope bending down to pick up her quill.

Madam Pince had not been thrilled to accept the sopping book from his fingers.

Percy swallowed, trying to focus on Penelope's frizzy curly blonde hair. The girl she was talking to, Melinda something, was holding open a magazine that revealed an oily man with really unnaturally white teeth while another girl, Helen, glared at him.

"Penelope," he said loudly, "what are you doing?"

The three girls jumped, eyes opened wide with fear. Melinda snapped her magazine shut and shoved it quickly into her satchel, hiding behind Penelope since she was taller than her. Percy didn't even acknowledge the brunette girl; his eyes instead were on Penelope's blue ones.

"Oh Percy, we were just…" Melinda whispered, trying to come up with something to say. Penelope said nothing. She didn't even bother acknowledging Percy.

" _Just?"_ he questioned lightly, waiting for her to continue. Helen rolled her eyes.

"We were examining what real men look like. Hm. Let's take a look and compare, shall we?" She tried to grab the magazine from Melinda who shakily fought her off. Percy felt himself blush.

He really couldn't stand Helen. Her social aggression towards him made Percy want to drop his head in his hands and rush off towards the girl's loo to have a long cry with Moaning Myrtle.

"Helen," Melinda said thickly, "stop it."

Did Penelope really have a thing for muscular men with unnaturally white teeth? He tried to puff out his chest but he knew there were no muscles to reveal. He was a pasty, freckle faced lanky Weasley whose only exercise was walking around the castle and picking large books off of the shelves in the library.

Sometimes, when he was really lazy and tired, he used a summoning spell instead of physically reaching for the books.

"Hullo, Percy!" Penelope said with a small smile, blinking her eyes and finally acknowledging him.

His heart fluttered and then proceeded to drop in his chest, all the way down to the floor. It was really unhealthy being attracted to girls. One minute he was flustered and stuttering, the next his whole body would shake. Sometimes he would sweat profusely around her while others he couldn't stop talking about menial things like how to properly tie ones shoelaces.

(The rabbit goes over, under and through the hole!)

"What are you doing?" Percy repeated, removing his blue horn-rimmed spectacles and wiping at his sweaty forehead. He hoped her eyes didn't fall on his lack of bicep muscle.

"N-nothing," Penelope stuttered, Melinda squeaked behind her. "We were just taking a stroll. Working on our…lung…capacity?"

Merlin, she was perfect. She cared about her lung capacity and took strolls inside of the castle instead of outside. She must have cared about sunrays and freckles appearing on her fair skin too.

Percy cursed in his head and tried to force his eyes to stop roaming over her body. Now he was thinking if she had freckles or birth marks on her body…if the skin he couldn't see underneath her Hogwarts uniform was a shade lighter like his was.

"You have quite a set of," his eyes targeted her chest, there was really nothing there but it was fine to Percy. He quickly averted his eyes and stared down at the floor, Melinda giggled, "lungs," he mumbled.

Penelope blushed but he didn't realize because he was still staring down at his shoes. They were slightly scuffed and had a hole in the big toe.

"Thanks Percy. Well, we should go. I'll see you for rounds later."

He nodded and watched her walk off, Melinda and Helen trailing behind her. Percy knew he was being stupid. Someone like Penelope Clearwater wouldn't like him. He was practically see through since he never went out in the sun and he was probably the only sixth year that had never kissed a girl.

He turned on his heel, ready to go wallow in self pity at the library before he saw Melinda running towards him, her small feet hitting against the stone floor loudly.

"Percy!" she shouted, waving her hand in the air while holding her magazine rolled up in the other.

"Yes, Melinda?" he asked, fidgeting with his glasses. The tiny sixth year brunette Ravenclaw, face flushed red and brown eyes casted down to the floor stood before him, hopping on the balls of her feet nervously.

She held out the hand that was clutching the magazine to Percy.

"Get some abs," she said with a giggle. "Clearwater has a thing for them."

Percy grabbed the magazine, stunned, and stared down at the picture of some bloke named Rudolpho whose chest was bare and shiny in the picture.

If it meant getting a potential girlfriend or at least someone to take his snogging virginity away then he would get abs, a whole pack of them.

-x-

The dormitory was deserted. Percy had made sure of that as he levitated a long mirror from the bathroom into the dormitory room and rested on the side of his bed. He hoped everyone would stay outside for another hour or two because what he was about to do would have probably made him more of a social outcast than he was already.

He closed his eyes tightly as he shakily started to remove his clothing. He loosened his tie and then unbuttoned his school shirt, taking a small peek from his left eye to look at himself in the mirror. It was worse than he thought. His skin was so white and pasty and it reminded him of the color of milk. Thanks to his freckles he looked like _dirty_ milk.

"You're sexy. A real…firecracker," he said to his reflection.

He frowned, quickly unbuttoning his trousers and then wiggled his legs so they fell to the ground. He shivered as a slight breeze rolled in through the window, making the hair on his arms stand up.

The magazine was on the wooden floor, open to page thirty-seven that promised six simple steps to getting rock hard abs. He had memorized the words and the pictures in his head, having had stared at them for the last hour and a half.

None of the steps told him to get undressed but he needed to find out what he was working with. It really wasn't much. He tried to flex his arms like he had seen the men in the magazines do but no bulging bicep appeared. He squeezed as hard as he could, cheeks turning red, trying to engage his stomach muscles but he couldn't even see a 'one-pack.'

"Any girl would be lucky to have you," he said to himself. "At least that's what Mum says…"

He didn't even _want_ a one-pack or a six-pack, a half-pack would have been perfectly fine with Percy. He exhaled, letting the color drain from his face and sighed pathetically.

Step one had said something about crunches. To get on the floor and put your hands on the tip of your ears and pull your upper body up and down. Percy dropped to the floor, howling slightly as his upper body made contact with the cold floor. He was thankful he hadn't taken off his black socks or else his feet would have been cold even though they kept slipping as he tried to plant them on the floor.

"Alright Percy," he whispered to himself, "let's work out."

Percy took a deep breath and tried to peel his cold upper body off from the floor. He felt a crick in his neck as he tired to pull himself up but just _trying_ was tiring. He exhaled, letting his hands rest on the floor.

"I think," he said to himself, "that counts as one." He only had _one hundred and ninety-nine_ to go. "I definitely deserve a water break after that one," he said, wiping at his sweating forehead.

Because of the conversation he was having with himself he missed the door to the dormitory creak open and someone walk in, staring at him with their mouth open and head cocked to the side.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" A confused voice asked him.

Percy groaned, flipping onto his stomach and staring at Oliver Wood with a sheepish grin on his face as his glasses slid down his slightly moist noise.

"It's really not as bad as it looks," he said with a weak grin.

Inside his head the wheels were turning as he stared up at Oliver Wood. Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, Scottish, tall build, Percy had never seen him without a shirt on before but he was certain he _had_ to have a set of abs hidden somewhere.

Girls were always talking about Quidditch players and their 'toned abs.'

Oliver shook his head. "Put some clothes on," he commanded roughly. "And you call yourself a Prefect."

-x-

If really wasn't fair that Oliver didn't know what he was getting himself into. He should have known Percy was a nuisance the way he always nitpicked and tried to dock house points for the tiniest things ( _you have your shoelaces untied, three points!)._

"No!" Oliver shouted, closing the red hangings around his bed. Percy normally wouldn't have invaded another person's bed quarters but he was desperate.

He flung back the red hangings and struggled to fight against Oliver as he pulled his matching red and gold duvet over his head.

" _Please_ ," Percy begged, pulling at the duvet. "Oliver, you have no idea how much this would mean to me."

"I don't care!" he shouted, grumbling to himself.

Percy supposed he should have asked Oliver to help him _first_ and then explain his current ab-session, instead of asking him to remove his shirt and let Percy take a 'gander' at his chest.

"Penelope will never go out with me if you don't help me," he explained quickly.

At 'Penelope,' Oliver stopped fighting against Percy and let the duvet fall down to his neck. He peered at Percy with shocked brown eyes and arched his eyebrow.

" _You_ like a girl?" he asked incredulously. "Percy Weasley has a crush on someone…and here we thought you would never…well… _never mind_ what we thought…"

Percy glared at him and pushed his slipping glasses up the bridge of his freckled nose.

Oliver sighed in defeat. "Why would you come to me?" he asked, sitting up and pushing Percy away from him. He fell willingly on the bed, fingering a loose thread on a quilt that read, 'Ollie Boy,' that was near him.

"Well," he mumbled, "you're boulderish and a fit bloke."

Oliver stopped himself from laughing. Instead he coughed and ran a hand through his short brown hair. "Fit boulder?"

Percy gulped and shrugged his shoulders, hanging his head from embarrassment.

"Oliver, Penelope wants a _real_ man. Someone with abs and muscles. Someone that could open a bottle of water with their hands instead of their teeth because they're too weak. You're a Quidditch player, surely you have abs and know how to get them. Well," he whispered, "that's what the _Witch Weekly_ magazine that _may_ or may _not_ be on the floor says. Will you help me?"

Oliver paused, trying to think of something to say. He really wasn't _that_ boulderish. If anything he was borderline lanky. His arms were muscular from throwing around the Quaffle. His stomach was hard but it wasn't cut up like some of the seventh year boys he saw whipping their shirts off the moment the sun came up outside.

"Alright," he said with a curt nod, "let's workout. We're going to need someplace where no one can find us and hand me that bleeding magazine."

Percy grinned.

-x-

It wasn't easy for Percy to admit that the easiest way they could find someplace to hide out for their workout regime (that Oliver promised was going to be brutal and make him sweat his freckles off) was to go to his younger twin brothers.

They were currently whispering together outside with their friend Lee Jordan who Percy couldn't stand. The boy, after all these years, still managed to call Percy the wrong name whenever he appeared and he was always so loud.

"HULLO THERE PERIWINKLE!" he shouted.

Fred and George sniggered next to Lee, eyeing Percy with a mischievous glint in their eyes. George peered around him, giving Oliver Wood a slight nod with his head.

"What do we have here? Our Prefect brother and Quidditch Captain."

"Why George, I do believe something must be going on. Are you banning us from Quidditch?" asked Fred with a grin.

Oliver rolled his eyes and then grunted at the joke, his jaw set tight.

Percy shook his head and removed his spectacles, pinching the bridge of his nose. Periwinkle, _honestly_. Did he look like a Periwinkle?

"I… _we_ ," he said, motioning to Oliver. Going to his brothers made bile rise in his throat. It felt so wrong and what made it worse was the fact that the two were hiding a box labeled 'firecrackers and other,' behind their backs, red hair sticking up like it had been shocked by lightning and soot on their faces. "We need some help…a place…to go…to be alone."

Oliver cursed as Lee cackled and asked him how many dates they had gone on. Was Penelope really worth all of this?

 _Yes_.

His thoughts drifted to Penelope as his brothers stared at him waiting for an explanation. He often found himself thinking about what her hair smelled like and what she was interested in. Sometimes, when they had the same lessons together he would strain to hear the conversations between her and her mates whenever he finished his work early.

He tried not to be a fumbling idiot around her or say awkward things. His brothers were constantly hounding him and telling him his topics of conversation were boring.

It seemed no one cared about the history of the first cauldron.

"Look," said Oliver, shoving past Percy, he winced and glared at him. "As your Captain remember that I can make practice a living hell for you. You and I know that you're the two to go too when you're trying to get away from everyone else. Jordan," he pointed a thick pointer finger at Lee who was about to say a snarky comment, "if you even _think_ about spreading a rumor that Percy and I are in a relationship I'll let everyone know about that little _bed wetting_ mishap in—"

"Alright!" he yelped, cutting Oliver off. "Give the man what he wants!" he snapped, brown eyes pleading with Fred and George. They couldn't even laugh at that, Wood's practices were already torturous.

"Fine," George said sullenly. I can't believe we're going to help Percy break the rules for once in his life and we can't even gloat about it."

-x-

They didn't know what they were about to see on the other side of the door. It sounded ridiculous to Percy and Oliver to walk back and forth three times, thinking about what they needed and were looking for. If Fred and George were playing a joke on them they could expect laps and a week of detention.

Percy tried to think really hard of exactly what he wanted. What he wanted was Penelope but he doubted if he wished hard enough a door would appear and out she would pop, throwing her arms around his neck, wanting to hear all about his hopes and dreams (or the fact that she was in his dreams last night, wearing his glasses and sitting on his chair in the library, waiting for Percy to read _Hogwarts, A History_ to her).

"Think really hard," Oliver reminded him. "Really imagine what you want."

Percy nodded and closed his eyes, walking in step with Oliver for the third time. He tried to imagine a place where the two could work on their fitness or a book with a spell that would give him abs for a day.

He felt a nudge and opened his eyes, staring first at Oliver whose mouth was open from shock. Percy shifted his gaze to the wall that Oliver was staring at, a wooden door had appeared.

They walked together, pushing the door open and stood in the doorway.

The Room of Requirement.

"Bloody hell," Percy whispered breathlessly. Oliver swiftly shut the door behind them as Percy walked around the room.

There were blue mats on the floor that Percy recognized from his magazine that were used for crunches and other floor exercises. Machines Percy knew nothing about were spaced around the room with directions about picking the correct weight and how to use them with certain spells and other charms.

"Bloody hell indeed," Oliver said with a whistle. "I don't even know what any of these things are. Looks like torture devices. Hand me the magazine."

The red head did as he was told, handing the magazine over wordlessly as he eyed a machine that was called, 'The Butt Blaster,' according to its label. Percy didn't know why anyone would want to blast their butt off so he walked over to the next machine. It looked like a bench with some sort of weight at the end and the directions said to lay on your stomach and lift your legs under the bar.

He didn't understand why anyone would lay on their stomach like a dead fish or even use a machine that was supposed to work your 'saddlebags,' according to the words scrawled on the side of it.

"What do we do first?" he asked, voice quivering slightly.

Oliver shrugged and flipped through the magazine nonchalantly. He had opted to wear a pair of red running shorts and a baggy short-sleeve t-shirt so Percy couldn't see if he did or did not have abs after all.

He was starting to doubt it since Oliver seemed just as lost as he was.

"Says here we should get a bit of cardio in before we start toning our…trouble zones. Question, do my calves look a little flabby to you? There's a test in here and I scored a two—"

Percy couldn't help roll his eyes as he pulled off his red jumper to reveal a tight white t-shirt he had _borrowed_ from his brother Ron. It smelled oddly of cheese but he brushed that aside and stared at Oliver.

"Can we focus?" he asked, patting his stomach. Oliver nodded.

"I was just wondering," he mumbled. "Suppose I won't ask you if I have buns of steel either. Spoiler alert, according to page thirty I _do_."

"Wood—"

Oliver cut him off by waving his hand in the air. "Oh alright. How are you on cardio? Jogging in place, getting the blood pumping and the sweat dripping. Really easy, we'll start off slow."

He pumped his arms up and down and kicked his legs back, taking deep calculated breaths and exhaling loudly. Percy gulped, trying to mime Oliver who looked like a gazelle in the forest looking for the water hole. With just one movement Percy pathetically felt his armpits start to sweat, the smell of cheese wafting into his nose and making him queasy.

"O-O-liver," he wheezed, his side hurt and he felt dizzy. He hated running. He hated _moving_. Walking was enough cardio for him. "I'm done. I quit."

"Get it together Weasley," he said, but realizing how red Percy's face and neck had become Oliver stopped his jogging and nodded his head. He wasn't going to have him die on his watch. If he wanted to keel over he would have to do it outside of his fitness center. "Right, well, step two is stretching but I suppose you can't do that either."

Percy nodded his head in agreement, pushing his slipping glasses up his nose and shakily walking towards a long empty bench, sliding underneath a weighted bar, trying to calm his ragged breathing.

"Step three," he pleaded. "Let's move on to step three."

Oliver flipped through his magazine, wishing that a window would appear in the room. It smelled oddly like a mixture of dirty man, cheese and a decomposing Weasley. His head was starting to hurt.

"Well," he mused, scratching his chin with one hand, "are you going to be able to actually work on your abs?" he questioned.

Percy blinked, he was starting to see spots of black and he was positive that was not a good sign.

"Course," he snapped. "That's the best part."

"Right. We're going to try the ab twister. Lift your legs up." He waited for Percy to lift his legs up in the air but he just stared up at the ceiling, lips pursed, a scared look in his eyes.

"I can't move my legs," he said with a loud groan. "Take me to the Hospital Wing," he pleaded. "I think I pulled a muscle. We're done and for the love of Merlin, get me some water."

Oliver nodded, pulling out his wand, ready to levitate the shaking red head from the bench and through the castle. He honestly hoped they came across no one and did not know what he was going to tell Madam Pomfrey.

-x-

 _Confidence is key_.

Oliver had repeated it to Percy as he lay in bed in the hospital wing for the day. He drowsily got up the next morning, after taking one more replenishing potion to keep up his strength (or lack of) and shuffled out of the Hospital Wing, hair sticking up and smelling of day old cheese.

Confidence? How was Percy supposed to have confidence when he was built like a twelve-year-old boy?

His head felt woozy as he walked down the corridor, t-shirt clinging to his chest and the sweat that was forming on his forehead made him shiver.

 _Keep with your strengths. I'm sure you have some redeemable qualities_.

Oliver had advised him. Percy wasn't sure being a bookworm and getting O's on assignments were considered strengths but he sincerely hoped so or else he would remain a virgin forever.

He struggled to move one foot in front of the other, focusing on trying to contract what little muscle he had. The corridor he was walking down was empty and the sun was coming in through the windows, a small breeze rolling into the castle. As he rounded the corner, Percy heard some voices. He stood still, not wanting to call attention to himself as three girls came into view.

"…and I said to him no I won't…what is that smell?"

Percy cursed in his head as the three girls looked up and laid eyes on him. One was Penelope and the other two were Melinda and Helen. The three girls stared at him, wrinkling their noses, wondering if the smell was coming from him.

Now was not the time to see Penelope. Now was not the time to be a pansy either. Confidence was key and he knew he needed a lot of it at that moment.

He swallowed under their calculating gaze and willed himself to not limp towards them. Holding his head up high, Percy decided to break the rules for a second time in his life.

He tried to give them what he hoped was a smoldering look and bit his bottom lip, growling at them. Then he took his arms that felt like spaghetti and shakily peeled off his brother's tight t-shirt. The shirt got stuck on his head and he struggled to wriggle out of it, blushing slightly.

The three girls gaped at him. Helen's eyes popping open wide while Melinda averted her own after a few seconds, and whimpered on Penelope's shoulder.

"Oh Merlin," she whispered. "Do you see that body?" Penelope nodded her head, her curly blonde hair bouncing up and down.

"Percy?" she squeaked, staring at his pasty hairless chest.

He stood up tall and walked next to the trio, winking at Penelope, hoping the sweat that was now dripping down his forehead didn't fall into his eye.

"This is what real men look like," he said loudly, nodding at Helen. She blushed and then dropped her head into her hands, giggling like the banshee she was. "And for the record, I _do_ work out."

Before his confidence could leave him he winked again at Penelope who giggled and smile at him, then he started his slow walk down the corridor, legs feeling like jelly.

He might not have had a six-pack and would most likely never but the girl he had a crush on at smiled at him. She had smiled at _him_.

All the pain in his body was worth it.

 **Author's Note:** **This was inspired by the song, 'Sexy and I Know It,' by LMFAO.**


End file.
